"Sire, I have failed thee..."

Sir Hawthorn waited outside the King's chamber. He was nervous, which was unusual. On a normal day while visiting his King, he felt at peace, happy, and in awe to be in the presence of such a King as he had the pleasure of serving. But today... today was different. He had no happy tidings to bring, no questions or requests that needed answering. Today he was only to give an account of the recent quest he had returned from. 

"The King will see you now," the page announced. Sir Hawthorn jumped slightly, being drawn out of his reverie rather suddenly. He stood, nodded, straightened his uniform, and followed the page's lead. He tried to calm the nervous butterflies in his stomach, but to no avail. How was one supposed to even prepare for such a task as this?

As he entered his King's chamber, he took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the ground. He could not bring himself to look upon his King's majesty. Not like this. 

"Sir Hawthorn! My faithful servant, how are you?" The King exclaimed, coming down from the throne and extending his arms for a warm embrace. Sir Hawthorn ducked his head in a quick salute, but stepped back quickly to evade the embrace.

"My Lord, you will not think so highly of me once you have heard my news," Sir Hawthorn, eyes still lowered, willed his voice not to tremble. He had gotten the first part out. Now to just tell the news.

"What is it, my son? You do not need to fear telling me anything. Come, sit and talk," The King motioned to two chairs by a table. Sir Hawthorn reluctantly followed and took a seat beside his King. He felt ashamed to be sitting so near to Him. 

"Now tell me, what is it that troubles you?" the King asked, in a gentle voice. 

Sir Hawthorn did his best to keep the tears from rolling down his face, yet one escaped and slowly made a trail down his cheek. "I have failed you, my Lord. Yes, I have failed you," the last words were barely whispered.

"Ah, I see..... I believe I know what you are talking about," the King answered, slowly. 

"What? But how could you? I've only just returned," Sir Hawthorn replied, confused.

"Yes, that is so. But I still know. You feel you have failed because your recent quest failed. Is this correct?" 

Sir Hawthorn stared at the King for a moment, surprised. "Yes... yes, this is so," 

The King smiled sadly at Sir Hawthorn. "My son, you did not fail me. Not in the way you think. Your quest failed because it was a quest of your own making. I did not send you on the quest and you did not even seek my permission,"

"But I saw a need, Sire, and my desire to serve this need was great!" Sir Hawthorn argued.

"Indeed! I saw it was so. But still, this quest was not of my making and therefore, you feel as if you have failed because your quest did not end as planned."

Sir Hawthorn sat quietly, realizing his King's words were true indeed. 

"My son, did you receive my letter for the quest that I would have had you go on?"

"Yes," Sir Hawthorn replied quietly, once again looking at the ground in shame.

"And did you receive them before, or during your own quest?"

"Once before, sire, and once during," Sir Hawthorn replied, beginning to realize where this was going.

"Indeed, it was so. I knew you had gone on a quest of your own. I knew you were thinking of going on this quest before you even went! This was why I sent you the instructions for mine. And when you still left for your own, I sent you instructions once more, in hopes that you would listen and return home."

"But, my Lord, I felt that there was greater need for my quest. That it was more... important."

The King smiled sadly and looked into Sir Hawthorn's eyes. "And that, my son, is where you are very wrong. No quest of mine is too great or too small for the one I have given it to. You need only listen and fulfill that quest as best you are able in order to please me. I cannot make you go on the quests I send you. I do not want to make you. I wish for you to serve me with your whole heart and willingly because you choose to do so," 

"Yes, my Lord," Sir Hawthorn replied. "But the fact remains, that I *have* failed you,"

"Nay, that is not so. My quest is still standing. It still needs to be done. And there is time to complete it."

"But, my Lord.... I feel.. I feel as if I am not able to complete it. Not without your help," 

The King smiled and took Sir Hawthorn's hand. "And my help I will certainly give you, my son. You need only ask and I shall be by your side," 

Sir Hawthorn smiled and bowed his head, "Then I have only to receive Your instructions once again, my Lord, and I shall go on Your quest."

Have you ever felt like you 'failed' the Lord? Like He had given you a task to do, but somehow that task got lost among the many other 'bigger' things you could be doing?

I know I've had it. Many, many times. In fact, I had it just recently. The sense of failure. The knowing that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing.

See, as a writer, we sometimes get stuck in this sense of 'must be doing, must be doing'. And we're finding out what the most popular genre is at the moment so we can write some epic and amazing novel to put out there on the shelves of millions of book stores around the world. We start losing track of what our main goal is.

My most recent one was NaNoWriMo. I've written before about why I love this contest, so I won't repeat it again. But I was ready to participate and win and write a novel that I would publish and would become New York's Best seller, etc, etc, etc.  But I had something missing in my plan. A really big thing; God. I didn't have God in any of these plans. Sure I sort of halfheartedly prayed that God would give me inspiration and guidance on how to write this novel, but I wasn't focused on serving Him in it. I was focused on serving myself. I was tired of only being known as a 'children's author'. I wanted to write something my friends would read and actually enjoy. I wanted to write something that would become popular and talked about. I, I, I, I..... it's all about self.

So one evening, while driving home from work, I turned on the radio and heard a song. I don't remember what it was called or who it was by. But I do remember this... it was talking about "less of me, more of You, that who I want to be,". And the words struck a chord in my heart as I realized, "Lord, I have failed you. You gave me a task. A task that I thought was too small and not big enough. I got caught up in what the World thought of me instead of seeking You on a daily basis,". I started crying. Because you know what? This wasn't the first time I'd made that mistake. No, sir. I wish it was, but it wasn't.

As I cried, asking the Lord for forgiveness. And as I prayed, He said to me, "You haven't failed. Do the task that I already gave you and seek Me on it."

And so, feeling renewed again to go about my task, I began afresh. And isn't that wonderful that we can do that? That the Lord's mercies are new EVERY morning? It's beautiful and humbling.

So I 'failed' NaNoWriMo. I didn't get in a word count. I didn't get very far in my story. But I learned something far more valuable from it than I could have ever learned on my own. I may never come out with some big novel that hits the top 10 in book stores. Yet I will have something far better because it is the task, the quest that the Lord has given to me. And it is my honor to complete it, despite what others say, despite what I think, and despite the nagging that Satan gives me to tempt me to do something else.

And I have a feeling that this time, with the Lord by my side on His quest, I won't fail.

Sprinter Authors vs. Marathon Authors

For many of you, NaNoWriMo is half way through! For some of us who are just getting into it, it's only the beginning.

However, whether you be a late starter or one of the many crazy people who wait until the first wee hours of Nov. 1st to begin, we all have one thing in common:

LACK OF MOTIVATION

Today, as I was taking a walk outside, I started to prepare myself mentally for the challenge up ahead. Due to a surgery that I recently had done and some other things going on, I have yet to officially start my NaNo project. Yes, I only have 17 days left. Yes, that means almost 3,000 words per day.... Yet, I'm determined to keep at it. Why? Because I'm stubborn. There really isn't much more than that...

However, I also have this thing called 'motivation'. See, one of the reasons why I have enjoyed NaNo, even though this will only be my second time doing it, is because it resembles a sprint. Short, sweet, hard, and to the point.

Since the day I was born, I was destined to be a sprinter. Why? It's simple: body build. Have you ever looked at the differences in the bodies of sprinters and marathon runners? Sprinters have built up that bulky muscle that delivers results quickly and in a powerful way. Marathon runners are lean, mean, and can run... and run.... and run... and... you get the point.

My body build is more similar to a sprinter... which isn't a problem because most tasks around here on the ranch require shorter, powerful bursts of energy (like chasing down a cow... and yes, that does happen frequently...)

However, what are our mind muscles like? And I say mind muscles to describe our thinking tanks...
Do we work in short bursts of inspiration, or are we able to see the long goal? For me, I tend to focus in on the short term. What can I get done today, where I am I going next with my story, etc. For others, they think out the long term. How shall I end my story, where will I tie it in with my next novel, and when can I start marketing?

As you may have guessed, similar to my body build, my mind build is more sprinter-like. I don't tend to think in long goals. I've always had trouble writing up an outline... I've been known to change my story up almost constantly... However, that's how I work best. It doesn't mean I'm a bad author for it, it just means that I work differently than others.

Some people can sit down and write for hours on end, knowing exactly where they are going with their story, how to get it accomplished, bada bing, bada boom.

Others, like me, usually wait to write until inspiration hits them. Then boom! We go all crazy, staying up until the wee hours of the morning, because we had a moment of inspiration and we must write it down!

To go back to our sprinters and marathon runners, it's rather interesting that they can only do the one thing they've trained for. Marathon runners couldn't compete in a sprint because they don't have enough powerhouse energy to win in short distances... but Sprinters would lose in a marathon because they only know how to give out short term bursts of speed... they don't know how to control their output.

I was thinking that it would be neat if writers could be a good mix of both. Sprinter authors like me tend to not get as much done... unless they've trained themselves to have dedication and perseverance. Marathon authors can sometimes go overboard with their writing. Yes, they know where they are going and how to get there, but sometimes they take the looong way around. As a reader, I always disliked books that were super descriptive (to the point of being super boring) or just dragged out the storyline. I used to joke with my family saying, "You know when this book was written, right? When they paid the author per word...."

So how in the world do we get a balance? Well, I can really only speak from my side of things. For us sprinters, we need to work on training ourselves. Don't lose your creative bursts of energy and inspiration, but learn how to channel that into more frequent writing times. Don't let weeks or months pass by without writing simply because you 'don't have the inspiration'... Trust me, it doesn't work out so well for you in the end. Instead, start training yourself by making yourself sit down and write. But here's a tip: the writing doesn't have to happen in your novel.. it could just be an email or a letter or a journal entry... but whatever you do, just write!

For you marathon authors, hone in on those creative juices. Discipline is good in book writing, especially if you want to do this for a living or you have a deadline to meet... but have fun with your writing. Don't make it a 'check list' item... If you do, it will become just that and your readers will know the difference. Trust me.

Let's become Marathinters. Ready to reach the long goal, but focusing on those shorts bursts as we go along our way.

So put your music on, get that cup of coffee or tea or whatever drink you like while writing, and let's finish up November with a whopping 50,000!!!

When We Wish We Had Superpowers

Do you remember when you were little? Remember playing superheros and coming up with all sorts of crazy super powers you had? I usually went with the drastic side and just said I had the superpower to defeat all other superpowers... Huh. Made for an interesting game with my brothers anyway.

I've outgrown so many of those games now, but I realized that I sometimes wish I could go back... It would be so nice if I could pretend, or better yet, actually have, the superpower to overcome that infernal thing called 'writers block'....

Seems like I wrote a post somewhere on how to tackle this little problem.. but, as is usually the case with 'professionals', we can be wrong! After exhausting all my 'brilliant' ideas, I find myself at a standstill with my writing. For me, this is especially frustrating because I no longer have control over my story. Rather difficult to write when you can't think of anything to write down.

Here is where it, once again, turns into a life lesson for me... It is actually rather interesting to see how many times the Lord has used my writing to teach me something. Probably more times than I would care to admit, but it's true.

This time He seems to be teaching me that, even if I have this 'schedule' in my mind of how this will all work out, even if I make myself sit down and write to 'train myself', even if I rack my brain for every possible idea that would fit in my story, He still has control. I guess He must be using this current writers block to teach me something, but I'm not exactly sure what just yet... however, here is something that I seem to have to learn over and over again....

See, sometimes there is a little thing that creeps into my writing... it's just a small thing, really, but it can make BIG problems. It's name is Pride. Ever heard of it? It can be rather frustrating, indeed.

When I was younger, I had dreams of being on Oprah and the Good Morning show for being the youngest novelist out there. The youngest novelist that actually wrote a good story, I should say. One that stunned adults with its complex plot twists and amazing conclusion. Yet, the years slipped by and nothing of the sort happened. If anything, I think it steered me away from actually reaching those goals. What happened instead is that nothing was perfect like I planned. My sentences sounded silly and unpolished, my storyline too plain. Therefore, I just didn't write. What was the point if it wasn't *perfect*?

Well, now that I'm 20 and only one book published so far (and not even an adult book, at that!), I've learned a lot. For one thing, it doesn't have to be perfect. That's why you edit. Yes, editing is a pain in the neck and really annoying, but it is something that has to be done in the writing process. Then, of course, you have to break it up into two different types of editing. What?!?! Yes, I know. Terrible. It's like multiplying the enemy by two. You have grammatical editing and then structure editing. The grammatical editing is probably the easiest because, when you are in the middle of a thought, it's hard to remember how to do your punctuations and such. The structure editing, however, is the toughest.  This is the part where you literally get your baby, er, I mean manuscript torn apart. It is extremely painful.

When I first started writing, I couldn't stand a single word of criticism against my writing. It cut me to the core if anyone made a suggestion on how I should change something. You may think I'm over exaggerating, but just ask any one of my family members.

However, here is an amazing thing I've learned. There is a way to disconnect yourself from your manuscript. See, when people criticise, we tend to think it reflects back on us and that they are criticising us. This is, of course, not true, but we feel it all the same.

As a writer, I think this is probably the most critical in your writing career. It doesn't even matter if you're good at telling a story at this point. What's important is learning to disconnect at the appropriate times.

So how do we do this? Because obviously you can't be emotionally disconnected when you are writing an emotional scene in your book. It wouldn't have that push and shove you're striving for if you did that. It would be bland and boring. In fact, in all of your writing, you have to have emotional connections. Yet, when it comes to editing, how do we pull that plug?

First thing you need to do is realize that your critics are *not* your enemies. They are not out to hurt or kill you, they really simply are doing their job: critiquing. You do your job of writing and they do their job of critiquing. Simple as that. Realizing this, now, will help you move beyond feeling like they are trying to stab in you in the back just because they 'don't like you' or wish they were published, too, so now they are going to slam you down with hate. True, there are some out there who do that, but for the most part, the ones critiquing your book are not like that. They truly want the best for you and only want to help polish up your book to make it shine.

Once you've got that fixed in your head (and it might take a while! I know it did for me.) you can now move on to step two. Try to have most of your critiquing and editing done via email. Don't have someone read part of your book in front of you, and don't ask for their opinion right away. For one thing you *both* need time to process. The reader needs to process what they've just read before they can give an honest opinion, and you need time to process what they say. With email, you can each reply at your leisure. They can come up with more tactful ways to critique/edit and you have time to read the email, process the information, then get back to them.  Even when I send things to my mom or sister to edit, I ask them to please reply to the email. It doesn't matter that we live in the same house and see each other every day. We don't even talk about it unless I bring up the subject. They've learned that sometimes I'm just not ready for a discussion because I'm still processing.

Here's something for you, the writer, to consider as well. If the editor says something is confusing. Don't explain it to them. If the storyline needs personal explaining because the reader didn't understand, *you* are the one that needs to change something. It's not the editor who is too stupid to understand.. you, friend, have not portrayed it correctly. Change it.

Hard blow, yes.. but see why I'm telling you this on my blog? =) Haha.

So what does this have to do with my pride anyway? Well, those were just a few things that I had to learn myself not too long ago. I realized that if I ever wanted to become a truly good writer, then I would need some training. Just like any truly great artist, they took hours and hours of practice time. Now, writing improvement may not show up as grandly as an amazingly painted portrait, but it will show and people will notice the difference.

Now with pride, I think it is good to keep ourselves humble by recieving critiques and maybe even an occasional bad review here and there. We aren't perfect therefore we can't expect our writing to be perfect. However, when you receive bad feedback via editor or reviewer, don't take it personally. Let it slide, listen to that they say, consider it and, if you think you need to, make the changes.

Just remember this... Only the best and purest gold has gone through several intense refining processes.

Wisdom from a Friend

I recently asked a friend of mine if she would be willing to be my 'writing mentor'. Someone who could encourage me to write, critique my writing, and basically be a mentor. The friend I asked does freelance writing, has published several articles in various newspapers, online sites, and on her own personal blog. She is a very good friend of mine, but she is also one of the women I look up to as an example.

Yesterday, she shared a gem of wisdom with me, and I thought I would pop in and repeat it on here (because I thought it was just too good to not share!). These were her words, more or less, that she spoke to me.

"This actually came to me when I was washing dishes this morning. If writing is what the Lord has called you to do, so it is therefore your calling, then to not write or not write what He has specifically told you is, essentially, going against the Will of God. You are disobeying Him."

Wow. Believe it or not, I hadn't exactly thought of it in that way. I've thought about my writing as a ministry, but never as a 'calling', per se. When I procrastinate, or don't get some writing done when I need to, I'm disobeying the will of God. Kind of a scary thought.

Thank you, friend, for sharing that with me!! I definitely needed to hear it. :-)

Writing Challenge Update

Hello fellow writers!

I'm popping in to see how everyone is doing with their writing challenge... I'm afraid that I must admit I've lagged behind... in fact, I haven't even started yet. This week has been, shall we say, a tad bit busy. After a fun weekend of working cows (and lying in the mud from a week of rain- which was wonderful, so I'm not complaining), I'm afraid I didn't have much time for writing. However, my goal is to work on it tomorrow.

I've got a lot on my plate, but, as a writer, I'm learning how to manage my time to fit in writing. It seems to me that one will 'never have time' unless they 'make time' for things like this. We have to remember, as aspiring authors (or perhaps already published authors!) that writing isn't just a 'pastime' or 'pleasure'. Well, it is that, in a sense, but it is also a job. When one works, one has to get up in the morning, spend 8 hours a day at the office, and come home. Every. Single. Day. (not including weekends). So, why do I see so many aspiring authors treating their writing like a hobby? If you're going to make this become something, then you have to make it become something. That means that we can't say, while washing dishes or cleaning house, "Oh, I don't have time for this." Nay. We must make the time. Figure out a schedule for yourself. Set aside 30 minutes, or several hours if you so choose, to write. Like the writing challenge, it doesn't have to be just in your growing novel. It could be a letter or a journal entry. It doesn't matter. We simply need to learn to make writing a priority if we want to go anywhere with it. It's as simple as that.

And, with that being all said, then I shall humbly say that I must listen to my own words. Tomorrow I shall begin with my writing challenge. I might be behind from most of you, but that doesn't mean I've missed anything or ruined my writing career.

Even though I'm behind, I'd dearly love to hear how everyone else is doing! Please drop a comment and let me know.