"Sire, I have failed thee..."

Sir Hawthorn waited outside the King's chamber. He was nervous, which was unusual. On a normal day while visiting his King, he felt at peace, happy, and in awe to be in the presence of such a King as he had the pleasure of serving. But today... today was different. He had no happy tidings to bring, no questions or requests that needed answering. Today he was only to give an account of the recent quest he had returned from. 

"The King will see you now," the page announced. Sir Hawthorn jumped slightly, being drawn out of his reverie rather suddenly. He stood, nodded, straightened his uniform, and followed the page's lead. He tried to calm the nervous butterflies in his stomach, but to no avail. How was one supposed to even prepare for such a task as this?

As he entered his King's chamber, he took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the ground. He could not bring himself to look upon his King's majesty. Not like this. 

"Sir Hawthorn! My faithful servant, how are you?" The King exclaimed, coming down from the throne and extending his arms for a warm embrace. Sir Hawthorn ducked his head in a quick salute, but stepped back quickly to evade the embrace.

"My Lord, you will not think so highly of me once you have heard my news," Sir Hawthorn, eyes still lowered, willed his voice not to tremble. He had gotten the first part out. Now to just tell the news.

"What is it, my son? You do not need to fear telling me anything. Come, sit and talk," The King motioned to two chairs by a table. Sir Hawthorn reluctantly followed and took a seat beside his King. He felt ashamed to be sitting so near to Him. 

"Now tell me, what is it that troubles you?" the King asked, in a gentle voice. 

Sir Hawthorn did his best to keep the tears from rolling down his face, yet one escaped and slowly made a trail down his cheek. "I have failed you, my Lord. Yes, I have failed you," the last words were barely whispered.

"Ah, I see..... I believe I know what you are talking about," the King answered, slowly. 

"What? But how could you? I've only just returned," Sir Hawthorn replied, confused.

"Yes, that is so. But I still know. You feel you have failed because your recent quest failed. Is this correct?" 

Sir Hawthorn stared at the King for a moment, surprised. "Yes... yes, this is so," 

The King smiled sadly at Sir Hawthorn. "My son, you did not fail me. Not in the way you think. Your quest failed because it was a quest of your own making. I did not send you on the quest and you did not even seek my permission,"

"But I saw a need, Sire, and my desire to serve this need was great!" Sir Hawthorn argued.

"Indeed! I saw it was so. But still, this quest was not of my making and therefore, you feel as if you have failed because your quest did not end as planned."

Sir Hawthorn sat quietly, realizing his King's words were true indeed. 

"My son, did you receive my letter for the quest that I would have had you go on?"

"Yes," Sir Hawthorn replied quietly, once again looking at the ground in shame.

"And did you receive them before, or during your own quest?"

"Once before, sire, and once during," Sir Hawthorn replied, beginning to realize where this was going.

"Indeed, it was so. I knew you had gone on a quest of your own. I knew you were thinking of going on this quest before you even went! This was why I sent you the instructions for mine. And when you still left for your own, I sent you instructions once more, in hopes that you would listen and return home."

"But, my Lord, I felt that there was greater need for my quest. That it was more... important."

The King smiled sadly and looked into Sir Hawthorn's eyes. "And that, my son, is where you are very wrong. No quest of mine is too great or too small for the one I have given it to. You need only listen and fulfill that quest as best you are able in order to please me. I cannot make you go on the quests I send you. I do not want to make you. I wish for you to serve me with your whole heart and willingly because you choose to do so," 

"Yes, my Lord," Sir Hawthorn replied. "But the fact remains, that I *have* failed you,"

"Nay, that is not so. My quest is still standing. It still needs to be done. And there is time to complete it."

"But, my Lord.... I feel.. I feel as if I am not able to complete it. Not without your help," 

The King smiled and took Sir Hawthorn's hand. "And my help I will certainly give you, my son. You need only ask and I shall be by your side," 

Sir Hawthorn smiled and bowed his head, "Then I have only to receive Your instructions once again, my Lord, and I shall go on Your quest."

Have you ever felt like you 'failed' the Lord? Like He had given you a task to do, but somehow that task got lost among the many other 'bigger' things you could be doing?

I know I've had it. Many, many times. In fact, I had it just recently. The sense of failure. The knowing that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing.

See, as a writer, we sometimes get stuck in this sense of 'must be doing, must be doing'. And we're finding out what the most popular genre is at the moment so we can write some epic and amazing novel to put out there on the shelves of millions of book stores around the world. We start losing track of what our main goal is.

My most recent one was NaNoWriMo. I've written before about why I love this contest, so I won't repeat it again. But I was ready to participate and win and write a novel that I would publish and would become New York's Best seller, etc, etc, etc.  But I had something missing in my plan. A really big thing; God. I didn't have God in any of these plans. Sure I sort of halfheartedly prayed that God would give me inspiration and guidance on how to write this novel, but I wasn't focused on serving Him in it. I was focused on serving myself. I was tired of only being known as a 'children's author'. I wanted to write something my friends would read and actually enjoy. I wanted to write something that would become popular and talked about. I, I, I, I..... it's all about self.

So one evening, while driving home from work, I turned on the radio and heard a song. I don't remember what it was called or who it was by. But I do remember this... it was talking about "less of me, more of You, that who I want to be,". And the words struck a chord in my heart as I realized, "Lord, I have failed you. You gave me a task. A task that I thought was too small and not big enough. I got caught up in what the World thought of me instead of seeking You on a daily basis,". I started crying. Because you know what? This wasn't the first time I'd made that mistake. No, sir. I wish it was, but it wasn't.

As I cried, asking the Lord for forgiveness. And as I prayed, He said to me, "You haven't failed. Do the task that I already gave you and seek Me on it."

And so, feeling renewed again to go about my task, I began afresh. And isn't that wonderful that we can do that? That the Lord's mercies are new EVERY morning? It's beautiful and humbling.

So I 'failed' NaNoWriMo. I didn't get in a word count. I didn't get very far in my story. But I learned something far more valuable from it than I could have ever learned on my own. I may never come out with some big novel that hits the top 10 in book stores. Yet I will have something far better because it is the task, the quest that the Lord has given to me. And it is my honor to complete it, despite what others say, despite what I think, and despite the nagging that Satan gives me to tempt me to do something else.

And I have a feeling that this time, with the Lord by my side on His quest, I won't fail.

Sprinter Authors vs. Marathon Authors

For many of you, NaNoWriMo is half way through! For some of us who are just getting into it, it's only the beginning.

However, whether you be a late starter or one of the many crazy people who wait until the first wee hours of Nov. 1st to begin, we all have one thing in common:

LACK OF MOTIVATION

Today, as I was taking a walk outside, I started to prepare myself mentally for the challenge up ahead. Due to a surgery that I recently had done and some other things going on, I have yet to officially start my NaNo project. Yes, I only have 17 days left. Yes, that means almost 3,000 words per day.... Yet, I'm determined to keep at it. Why? Because I'm stubborn. There really isn't much more than that...

However, I also have this thing called 'motivation'. See, one of the reasons why I have enjoyed NaNo, even though this will only be my second time doing it, is because it resembles a sprint. Short, sweet, hard, and to the point.

Since the day I was born, I was destined to be a sprinter. Why? It's simple: body build. Have you ever looked at the differences in the bodies of sprinters and marathon runners? Sprinters have built up that bulky muscle that delivers results quickly and in a powerful way. Marathon runners are lean, mean, and can run... and run.... and run... and... you get the point.

My body build is more similar to a sprinter... which isn't a problem because most tasks around here on the ranch require shorter, powerful bursts of energy (like chasing down a cow... and yes, that does happen frequently...)

However, what are our mind muscles like? And I say mind muscles to describe our thinking tanks...
Do we work in short bursts of inspiration, or are we able to see the long goal? For me, I tend to focus in on the short term. What can I get done today, where I am I going next with my story, etc. For others, they think out the long term. How shall I end my story, where will I tie it in with my next novel, and when can I start marketing?

As you may have guessed, similar to my body build, my mind build is more sprinter-like. I don't tend to think in long goals. I've always had trouble writing up an outline... I've been known to change my story up almost constantly... However, that's how I work best. It doesn't mean I'm a bad author for it, it just means that I work differently than others.

Some people can sit down and write for hours on end, knowing exactly where they are going with their story, how to get it accomplished, bada bing, bada boom.

Others, like me, usually wait to write until inspiration hits them. Then boom! We go all crazy, staying up until the wee hours of the morning, because we had a moment of inspiration and we must write it down!

To go back to our sprinters and marathon runners, it's rather interesting that they can only do the one thing they've trained for. Marathon runners couldn't compete in a sprint because they don't have enough powerhouse energy to win in short distances... but Sprinters would lose in a marathon because they only know how to give out short term bursts of speed... they don't know how to control their output.

I was thinking that it would be neat if writers could be a good mix of both. Sprinter authors like me tend to not get as much done... unless they've trained themselves to have dedication and perseverance. Marathon authors can sometimes go overboard with their writing. Yes, they know where they are going and how to get there, but sometimes they take the looong way around. As a reader, I always disliked books that were super descriptive (to the point of being super boring) or just dragged out the storyline. I used to joke with my family saying, "You know when this book was written, right? When they paid the author per word...."

So how in the world do we get a balance? Well, I can really only speak from my side of things. For us sprinters, we need to work on training ourselves. Don't lose your creative bursts of energy and inspiration, but learn how to channel that into more frequent writing times. Don't let weeks or months pass by without writing simply because you 'don't have the inspiration'... Trust me, it doesn't work out so well for you in the end. Instead, start training yourself by making yourself sit down and write. But here's a tip: the writing doesn't have to happen in your novel.. it could just be an email or a letter or a journal entry... but whatever you do, just write!

For you marathon authors, hone in on those creative juices. Discipline is good in book writing, especially if you want to do this for a living or you have a deadline to meet... but have fun with your writing. Don't make it a 'check list' item... If you do, it will become just that and your readers will know the difference. Trust me.

Let's become Marathinters. Ready to reach the long goal, but focusing on those shorts bursts as we go along our way.

So put your music on, get that cup of coffee or tea or whatever drink you like while writing, and let's finish up November with a whopping 50,000!!!

The Melody of Life

The melody of life though very old and frail,
Yet strong and firm as a navy ship's sail.
Each note sings of joys and sorrows,
The wonder of mercies new on the 'morrow.

Though no one can see it 
Though only the bearer can hear it,
It floats on heavenly wings to you and me,
Breathing life into everything we see. 

Each note brings something new
To ponder and question alike.
Much like the bright morning dew,
It sparkles and dances in the sunlight.

Each new day a bar and measure
Every moment a note to savor.
The melody of life flows strong in the veins,
Untouchable and unbreakable in life's stormy rains.

Yet many do not listen to this melody so strong,
Ignoring it for material and worldly things instead.
For the beauty of this song lies not within itself,
But instead comes from the Giver of them all.

For He who gives the melodies so tender and so sweet,
Makes each one so very special and unique.
No two are ever quite the same,
Yet listen to the sound it makes.

The melody of life is one that covers all space and time,
Woven inside the magnificent tapestry of grace and love.
For each new thread that's added into this paradigm,
The Giver shares a melody from His throne above. 

~Sarah Elizabeth

Knowing Your Characters

How do you get to really know your characters? How do you get to know them to their fullest extent when you only have your perception of them to rely on?

Think of the people around you. So many different characters and personalities. Keyword: personalities. Our personalities are really what set us apart. Yes there may be profiling for about 4-5 personality 'types', but each of us is still so unique. Which means your characters need to be unique. There needs to be certain qualities or traits about your character that confuses even you. Why? Because you can't relate to that certain personality... but a reader will.

One of my favorite books is " Atonement Child" by Francine Rivers (not recommended for younger ages because of themes). The reason it's my favorite is 1) it deals with an issue I am very passionate about. 2) The characters were so well developed I was getting SO annoyed with some characters (because I just couldn't understand why they were doing such and such because I'm not that personality) and I was also feeling, literally feeling, the pain and misery of another because I could relate to that personality. See, sometimes it's not about the experiences the character goes through, but the way they go through it and handle it that our readers relate to the most.

My family and I took a personality test recently. It was neat (And slightly creepy) seeing how accurate it was. However, as I was listening to my sister read off all the descriptions of the our personalities, I realized something. I didn't understand or know why my family members did half the things they did until I heard their personality. It was a 'light bulb' moment of "Aha! I see why they get upset over this or why they sometimes just need to hole up for a few days to 'recharge'..."  (from that comment I should say that was dealing with my sister. I'm the kind of person who usually recharges by being around people. Very rarely do I need to 'hole up'...)

When you're writing, you're developing characters. You're doing your best to make them come alive, to make your readers love or hate them. Yet when you are doing this, you are only writing from your perspective. Your personality may match one character, but it shouldn't match all of them. Which means Bob may not react the same way to a situation like Susie does. Which also means this should frustrate you.

I know it sounds really odd... but think about it. If you get frustrated with your family members because you just don't understand why they're doing something a certain way or WHY they have to be SO stubborn over something else, then you should get that same feeling with your characters. If you don't, you're making them too much like you. You understand them too well.

Now wait a minute, you say. How can I write a good book if I don't know my characters that well?

I'll tell you.

You need to understand them... but there also needs to be an air of mystery. No one understands another person perfectly. Even married couples have a hard time understanding one another 100% of the time. So how do you write a character and develop it well enough that your readers love/hate him?

P.e.r.s.o.n.a.l.i.t.y.

You need to get to understand your characters personality. There are many different personality profiles you can follow (DISC profiling, ENFP profiling, etc, just to name a couple). You need to pick one and then follow it. Read up on all the different personalities. DISC profiling can especially get creative because you might have a character that is CD with a bit of I thrown in... or ID with some C.

Or you might want to go with an overall basic covering of a few personalities, highlight some of the bigger 'traits' and work from there. Our family did the ENFP type test. (Quick overview below). Just look at all the different character traits you get right there! And if you want more detail, you can go to the test sight and view all the different personalities in depth: http://www.16personalities.com/ 

Another great way is if you sort of profile a character off of someone you know (generally a good idea to get permission first!). Then you can ask them how they would react to certain situations. I know that, being a woman, I really don't understand guys. I mean, growing up with a great dad and two brothers definitely gave me a better perception than some, but I still don't *really* understand them. I tend to want to put a romantic/soft/unrealistic side to them that maybe only exists in a few guys. If you think about it, guys tend to like your macho man (think Jason Bourne, Captain America, James Bond, etc). Whereas we girls tend to write them up as being these super sweet, always sensitive, way too romantic, there to catch us when we faint, unrealistic guys. Now, I'm not saying that guys *aren't* sweet and romantic.. but they do those things in their own way!!! In fact, I remember another woman talking about how her husband bought her a football jersey of her favorite team. Now to her, he was being the most romantic man on earth. For me (who doesn't care for football much), I was thinking, "Really?" However, it was a good lesson for me that everyone has their own way of showing affection or anger or sadness, etc. (And just a tip, I've asked my dad and brothers countless questions of "if you were doing this, what would you be thinking about.." or "If this situation came up, what would you do?". Trust me, it's awesome having insider information!)

Therefore, let your character be different! Don't limit them to being your perception, but let them come alive as relatable characters to your readers!

Tidbits and Updates

I feel that I have sorely been neglecting my poor blog here. Of course, I suppose that it has really moved from simply feeling it to actually knowing it. In any case, I do apologize for the lack of posts. The last couple of months have been teaching me that I do have a life outside of being an author and sometimes that life takes precedence over my writing. However, our crazy hectic schedule should soon come to... Well, maybe not a complete halt, but a more orderly sort of crazy hectic. The new school year is about to begin, schedules are finally getting ironed out, and the office is getting put back together again. So, hopefully, you'll be seeing more posts from me!

In case anyone is wondering, or cares to know what's been going on, I'll give a quick sum up. 

I recently got another nannying job, so I'm now working 2 days a week. Huge blessing for me and I was just praising the Lord when I found out I had gotten the position. New and upcoming authors really don't make enough to support themselves, so I needed another job. However, I do still have activities throughout the week that I help out with, so I was hoping for something that was part time. A second nanny position was perfect. So I now have specific days set aside for 'office work' to do ranching paperwork and writing. Plus I have days set aside for volunteer things and teaching fiddle and nannying. Needless to say, I'm very glad to be getting in a set schedule (although, I say 'set' very lightly because we all know how schedules go...) =) 

Other news would just be that ranching has also been something going on. However, that is always going on, so it's nothing new. However, the newest projects have probably been the landscaping of our front yard and putting in a volleyball court. After living here for 8 years and realizing that growing grass just wasn't going to happen, we finally just put in some pretty rock and landscaped it a bit. It has definitely cut down on the amount of dirt blowing around! The volleyball court is like the family treat. We all love playing volleyball, so we saved up corn market money from last year and are putting it to use. =) It will be nice to have something the whole family can participate in for the lovely fall evenings we've got coming up. 

Also, I've got a fun writing challenge planned.. so be checking out my FaceBook page and Google+ to find out more details!

Now, to close this up, I shall post a little tidbit of a book I'm slowly working on. 

When she got to the little stream that ran through the hills, Nareena sat down on a large rock and pulled her knees up close to her chest. She watched as the water tumbled over its bed. Pebbles beneath the surface made the water swirl in different patterns as it continued on its merry way. Nareena listened as the stream seemed to laugh as it bubbled and trickled. 

Book Sale!!!

Hey folks!! If you're looking for a great birthday present for some young folks in your life, then you've come to the right place! I'm currently having a sale for my book, "On Grandpa's Knee". You definitely want to check it out! It makes for an awesome read aloud or for beginner/intermediate readers who like to have quiet time with a good book.

Grab a couple copies for you and your friends!

On Grandpa's Knee

When We Wish We Had Superpowers

Do you remember when you were little? Remember playing superheros and coming up with all sorts of crazy super powers you had? I usually went with the drastic side and just said I had the superpower to defeat all other superpowers... Huh. Made for an interesting game with my brothers anyway.

I've outgrown so many of those games now, but I realized that I sometimes wish I could go back... It would be so nice if I could pretend, or better yet, actually have, the superpower to overcome that infernal thing called 'writers block'....

Seems like I wrote a post somewhere on how to tackle this little problem.. but, as is usually the case with 'professionals', we can be wrong! After exhausting all my 'brilliant' ideas, I find myself at a standstill with my writing. For me, this is especially frustrating because I no longer have control over my story. Rather difficult to write when you can't think of anything to write down.

Here is where it, once again, turns into a life lesson for me... It is actually rather interesting to see how many times the Lord has used my writing to teach me something. Probably more times than I would care to admit, but it's true.

This time He seems to be teaching me that, even if I have this 'schedule' in my mind of how this will all work out, even if I make myself sit down and write to 'train myself', even if I rack my brain for every possible idea that would fit in my story, He still has control. I guess He must be using this current writers block to teach me something, but I'm not exactly sure what just yet... however, here is something that I seem to have to learn over and over again....

See, sometimes there is a little thing that creeps into my writing... it's just a small thing, really, but it can make BIG problems. It's name is Pride. Ever heard of it? It can be rather frustrating, indeed.

When I was younger, I had dreams of being on Oprah and the Good Morning show for being the youngest novelist out there. The youngest novelist that actually wrote a good story, I should say. One that stunned adults with its complex plot twists and amazing conclusion. Yet, the years slipped by and nothing of the sort happened. If anything, I think it steered me away from actually reaching those goals. What happened instead is that nothing was perfect like I planned. My sentences sounded silly and unpolished, my storyline too plain. Therefore, I just didn't write. What was the point if it wasn't *perfect*?

Well, now that I'm 20 and only one book published so far (and not even an adult book, at that!), I've learned a lot. For one thing, it doesn't have to be perfect. That's why you edit. Yes, editing is a pain in the neck and really annoying, but it is something that has to be done in the writing process. Then, of course, you have to break it up into two different types of editing. What?!?! Yes, I know. Terrible. It's like multiplying the enemy by two. You have grammatical editing and then structure editing. The grammatical editing is probably the easiest because, when you are in the middle of a thought, it's hard to remember how to do your punctuations and such. The structure editing, however, is the toughest.  This is the part where you literally get your baby, er, I mean manuscript torn apart. It is extremely painful.

When I first started writing, I couldn't stand a single word of criticism against my writing. It cut me to the core if anyone made a suggestion on how I should change something. You may think I'm over exaggerating, but just ask any one of my family members.

However, here is an amazing thing I've learned. There is a way to disconnect yourself from your manuscript. See, when people criticise, we tend to think it reflects back on us and that they are criticising us. This is, of course, not true, but we feel it all the same.

As a writer, I think this is probably the most critical in your writing career. It doesn't even matter if you're good at telling a story at this point. What's important is learning to disconnect at the appropriate times.

So how do we do this? Because obviously you can't be emotionally disconnected when you are writing an emotional scene in your book. It wouldn't have that push and shove you're striving for if you did that. It would be bland and boring. In fact, in all of your writing, you have to have emotional connections. Yet, when it comes to editing, how do we pull that plug?

First thing you need to do is realize that your critics are *not* your enemies. They are not out to hurt or kill you, they really simply are doing their job: critiquing. You do your job of writing and they do their job of critiquing. Simple as that. Realizing this, now, will help you move beyond feeling like they are trying to stab in you in the back just because they 'don't like you' or wish they were published, too, so now they are going to slam you down with hate. True, there are some out there who do that, but for the most part, the ones critiquing your book are not like that. They truly want the best for you and only want to help polish up your book to make it shine.

Once you've got that fixed in your head (and it might take a while! I know it did for me.) you can now move on to step two. Try to have most of your critiquing and editing done via email. Don't have someone read part of your book in front of you, and don't ask for their opinion right away. For one thing you *both* need time to process. The reader needs to process what they've just read before they can give an honest opinion, and you need time to process what they say. With email, you can each reply at your leisure. They can come up with more tactful ways to critique/edit and you have time to read the email, process the information, then get back to them.  Even when I send things to my mom or sister to edit, I ask them to please reply to the email. It doesn't matter that we live in the same house and see each other every day. We don't even talk about it unless I bring up the subject. They've learned that sometimes I'm just not ready for a discussion because I'm still processing.

Here's something for you, the writer, to consider as well. If the editor says something is confusing. Don't explain it to them. If the storyline needs personal explaining because the reader didn't understand, *you* are the one that needs to change something. It's not the editor who is too stupid to understand.. you, friend, have not portrayed it correctly. Change it.

Hard blow, yes.. but see why I'm telling you this on my blog? =) Haha.

So what does this have to do with my pride anyway? Well, those were just a few things that I had to learn myself not too long ago. I realized that if I ever wanted to become a truly good writer, then I would need some training. Just like any truly great artist, they took hours and hours of practice time. Now, writing improvement may not show up as grandly as an amazingly painted portrait, but it will show and people will notice the difference.

Now with pride, I think it is good to keep ourselves humble by recieving critiques and maybe even an occasional bad review here and there. We aren't perfect therefore we can't expect our writing to be perfect. However, when you receive bad feedback via editor or reviewer, don't take it personally. Let it slide, listen to that they say, consider it and, if you think you need to, make the changes.

Just remember this... Only the best and purest gold has gone through several intense refining processes.

Giveaway!

I'm very excited to announce that, in honor of the CAPE Homeschool Convention (happening this month), I'm doing a giveaway!

I'll be part of the convention again this year selling books with several other local authors (You might recognize one from an interview I did here). I'm really looking forward to this year. It is exciting to think that a whole year has passed and so much has happened in that time.
Check out the website and come participate! We'll have free chocolate at our table, too... Not that I'm trying to get you to come or anything....

Onto the giveaway. I will be giving away a free, signed copy of "On Grandpa's Knee". All you need to do is follow my blog to enter.

For extra entries:
~"Like" My Facebook Page
~Add me to your circles on Google+
~Spread the word by linking to this post on either blogger, Facebook, or G+

Giveaway ends Sunday, April 20th at midnight (MT timezone)

It's the Writing Biz

It feels like I've come back from a rather long trip and arrived home to a familiar place.... Basically, I have, since my lack of posting here could count me as 'missing' or "gone fishing"... hah!

In any case, I'm back again! Hello, nice to see you all once more. I have taken such a lovely break from writing. It truly was wonderful. Now, I can't say that I got to relax entirely, but I was able to accomplish so many different things during this break (First and foremost, getting my life back on somewhat of a routine!).

However, vacations can only last so long... and so, here I am again.

I'm so very excited because my book cover designer, Jeremiah Hoppman, has been working hard on my cover (and the results are simply A.M.A.Z.I.N.G, I might add). I can't wait to give an official 'release' and such.

Now, on a slight side note, I've recently been learning that personalities come into play for writers.. I didn't think it did before but boy oh boy was I wrong! My 'personality' type ("I" on the DISC profile) "needs deadlines and needs to realize that they need to meet those deadlines..." It doesn't sound pleasant to read something like that about yourself. Still, it's very true. I work best with deadlines because it motivates me to get done. Doing NaNoWriMo last year was one of the best exercises for actually 'meeting deadlines' I have ever done.

So my newest deadline? To get my book published by this summer. I'll keep you all posted on an official 'release' date and such, but for now, I'm just excited to say that I'll actually be getting it done! It has been a lot of work and stress, but I'm ready to get back in gear and embrace my writing like I used to. =)

Although I don't consider myself a 'professional' writer, I do realize that I need to treat myself as one. Meaning, set deadlines and goal, meet those deadlines and goals, and reward your self accordingly. I'm not perfect and never will be, but I'm still striving towards becoming a better writing. And that's what is important I think.

I tend to over analyze and expect everything to be perfect. I want my books to be perfect. I want my other projects to be perfect. I don't want any mess ups and I certainly don't want there to ever be a reason for a critic to not like my book. However, in the grand scheme of things, it will happen. I've slowly been learning to come to grips with that. In fact, whenever I do get my first negative review, I hope that I will keep an optimistic attitude about it. Funny thing, actually, I rather look forward to getting my first 'negative' review. Why? Because it means someone was honest. Sure, negative reviews might hurt your sales and such, but remember, I'm not a professional writer. I write because I love to write. I don't write for other people, I don't even write for myself, really. I write because God has given me a story, and I want to get it out on paper. If people enjoy my stories, then wonderful. If not, that's fine, too. Everyone has a different view and opinion of things.

So, for you other writers out there, remember that no negative comment or review will ever hurt you so long as you don't allow it to. As soon as you let yourself start feeling down or upset by it, you've begun to lose the battle. Take the criticism that was given with positive attitude, then step back and really consider if what they said was true. Because if it is, then you just might want to work or change it...

Perhaps this is a random ramble, but then again... writers do tend to be random. To end the post, here are a few funny/true things for writers:

When You've Reached Your Limit

I sometimes think that the purpose of this blog is to show how imperfect a writer I am. However, I also hope that perhaps it will be an encouragement to other writers that we *don't* have to be perfect!

The last month or so I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I really couldn't put a finger on what it was in my life that was stressing me out so much, but I definitely knew it was there. When I woke up sick on Sunday morning with a 'stress and lack of sleep' migraine, I knew that I really needed to reevaluate my schedule and life.

I began looking at what I had been doing the past couple of months. I have just started directing a drama group all on my own, and, a couple weeks into the semester, I was pulled in as a 'fill in' actor for another group. So directing and acting (thankfully a small part on the acting side, but still acting nonetheless). Then we just started up our busy season for the ranch- bull sales. Went to Oklahoma, and we have Tucumcari, Belen and Montana still to come. Then, we're also still in the middle of calving (which doesn't include me all that much, but I still feel involved). Oh, and to top it all off, I was trying to write over 50,000 in about two weeks.

Huh.

I just couldn't figure out what was going on! I mean, I knew I had lots going, but seriously? I can handle this. Right?

Wrong. After an emotional breakdown last night, and a wonderful, wisdom filled conversation with my mom and, later on, my dad, I realized what my problem was. I simply had too much going on. As my mom and I talked, I realized that one of the things that was stressing me out the most was trying to finish this book in time for CAPE convention this April. I knew that I would really be straining to get it done, but one of the things I realized and what scared me the most? I wasn't enjoying writing.

In fact, I pretty much hated it. I wasn't getting inspiration for my story, and I had gotten into the 'writer's block rut' where I was simply writing just to get a word count in. Not a wise idea. And it has always been the biggest pet peeve to me. I used to say (and still do, sometimes) "forget the word count and just write a story!"  Who cares if it passes up the 50,000 word count in order to qualify for a 'novella' or what have you. Write the story, write it well, and be content. I told my mom that if I were to get my story published by convention, I wouldn't be proud of it. I wouldn't be satisfied with the way it turned out because I would know it was slapped together.

That's when I realized something.

I'm not a professional author.

I thought perhaps that idea might alarm me, but actually, it brought a lot of peace. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I don't write because I want to make money with my writing skills. I write because I love it. I love the thrill of developing characters and the shivers I get when I construct a great sentence. I love it when I feel proud of the story I wrote. It's even better when I know that I did my best and that it turned out well.

Most importantly, I love being able to write to the Glory of God. However, if I am writing just to write and become famous, or churn out so many books a year with no inspiration from Him, what sort of a writer am I? I fall into the common writer's category of folks who just want to make a living off of writing. Now, before I go further, I do want to say that there are several authors that I enjoy that know how to write a book, but they also know how to write several books in a year. I admire them for it, and I praise the Lord that there are authors out there like that. However, I have realized that it isn't my dream to be famous. It used to be, yes (yeah, I was determined to go on Oprah Winfrey and on all major news stations as being the youngest writer who could write an amazing book.. oh, and let's not forget the New York Time's best seller.). However, that dream has been changed into something else. I want to write because I love it. I don't mind if people don't like my stories. That's ok. If I get a 2 star review, it might hurt for a bit, but it really won't bother me in the long run because I don't want to make it a business to write.

A wise 'Titus 2 woman' friend of mine once told me, "Yup, once I started doing such and such for a business I really didn't enjoy it anymore... so be careful what you turn into a business". Of course, there are lots of people out there who have turned a passion into a business and, more often than not, you have to have a passion for what you do in order to keep it thriving.

I guess I'm just one of those people who need to learn how to keep a business while still having the passion for what I do.

So, all this to say that I have decided I won't have a book ready for convention in April. I will go to convention with my one book that I published last year, and I will be proud of it. Then I will just tell other folks about the new book coming out in the summer. Then, I'll have more time to get it done, but I'll still have a deadline (I do better with those). =)

Now to all you new authors (and perhaps 'older' authors who have been doing this for a while). Don't be afraid to admit when you've got too much on your plate. It's better to back out of a few things than to do a bunch of things halfheartedly or to realize that you didn't do a good job on all of the things you signed up for. I would much rather do a few things in life and be proud of how I did and feel satisfied and content than to be overloaded and burn out way too quickly.

I'm off to enjoy a less stressful, more enjoyable month of writing. Feeling very much at peace with the decision the Lord helped me to make (I think He has probably been telling me to do this for a long time, and I just haven't wanted to admit it...). I'll just look forward to releasing a book in the summer.

Toodlepip and Cheerio, my author friends!

And the Countdown Begins!

I've begun to think that the month of March is going to be very similar to November, if not worse.

Last year when I participated in NaNoWriMo, I didn't think I'd be doing it again in March. However, as deadline for book publication draws nearer and I still have tons to do, I realize that it will be another writing-like-crazy sort of month. The problem? I'm having a hard time staying motivated. Somehow, with NaNo, I was able to accomplish what I did with (the Lord, first off) the deadlines, the competition, knowing that if I failed, lots of people would know it. Yeah, I tend to work better under pressure, I guess. =)

So, now, without anyone else joining up in a challenge with me, I'm having to challenge myself! Not going to be as fun, but I've figured out a couple ways to keep myself going.

1.) Setting daily goals. Daily, not weekly. Weekly seems to be too much because I procrastinate all week and then I have a ton of words to write in just one day. Not a good idea.

2.) Music! I seriously cannot write without music. It just don't work for me, y'all.

3.) Late nights... um, yes. Unfortunately I have this thing called "late night hour writing syndrome'. Pretty terrible. Most of my inspiration comes when I am up late. I think it actually has more to do with the house being dark, quiet, with a general spookiness. hah!

4.) Drinks. I'm not a huge coffee fan, but I do enjoy tea, water, Dr. Pepper, etc. However, I've found that whenever I have tea or coffee (sometimes I do drink it), it tends to get cold because I don't drink it fast enough. So, out comes the cold water and soda! Although, water is usually my staple. Soda is a treat.....

5.) Frequent breaks. Not too many, but too few can be detrimental to your writing. I have to get up and walk around, see what the fam is up to, go take a walk, eat lunch, take out the trash... you name it. Just getting up and walking around, breathing deeply, helps wake up my brain and keeps my creative 'juices' flowing.


So that's what I do. What do you do to keep yourself going? I'd love more suggestions!

The Big Announcement!

So, I'm here to finally reveal what my 'big project' is... If you've been on Google+ or Facebook, you understand what I'm talking about. If not, I'll just say that I have something up my sleeve and I'm now about to reveal it.

Drumroll please!...........

I've got some novellas/short stories that I will be publishing this Spring! Yay!

Alright, its out. I can breathe now.. hah!

So, yes, I've got some short stories/novellas (not sure yet which one they classify as since I don't have a final word count yet) getting brutally ripped apart edited and patched back together to form some semblance of a story fixed up so it sounds nice. (Any other authors relate to how this feels?) Haha.

In any case, I thought I had better get on here and share. I'll keep you posted and just can't wait to get these done! For now, here's a short clip from one of the stories (still unedited, y'all, so this is in the raw form). Also, this is COPYRIGHTED. You may not use this in any form without my permission. Thank you!

**************

Cold. It was so cold. That was the only thing that kept running through her mind. That and the fact that if she was to stay alive, she had to keep moving. One foot in front of the other, each step more painful than the last. The wind made the rain splatter across her face like tiny flying rocks.  She wrapped her arms around herself and squinted her eyes to try to see further than the few feet the weather was allowing her.

“Hello?”  She called out in vain. The wind carried her words straight behind her and lost them in the growing darkness.  Looking up at the sky, she blinked hard to keep from crying.  Escaped tears joined the trails of water left on her cheeks from the rain.

She continued stumbling forward.  Her dress, soaked from the rain, hung heavily on her shoulders. Her hair no longer resembled anything of a neat appearance, but instead remained plastered over her face and hung in limp, dripping locks. She paused for a moment, trying to catch her breath.  Hugging herself to contain some warmth, she tried to ignore the reaching fingers of the tree’s branches. They looked like hideous monsters in the dark. Each branch seemed to grow long and reach out to her, wanting to snatch her up and hurl her into the wind.  She shut her eyes to close out the image.  It was too much to bear.  At that moment she suddenly felt could care less if she were dead or alive.  It wouldn’t matter in a few moments anyway.  They were sure to find her.   Perhaps she would be dead by then, and her worries would be over.  She opened her eyes and looked around at the desolate forest.  It would be a lonesome place to die. 

Keep It Real

Lately I have been learning so many confusing things about social media and your business. One site says that you need to keep it strictly professional and don't ever mention anything about your personal life while another site that you should share posts about things you would like to read while still keeping a somewhat professional front (in other words, don't be posting about what you had for lunch, but post about other activities besides your business), while another site says something entirely different.

WAH!!

It's so confusing! However, have no fear. I'm determined to get over this hurdle and make it across the finish line.... yeah, you can tell I've been watching Olympic re-runs. ;-)

In all seriousness, though, I would deeply appreciate your opinion on this matter. As my faithful readers/followers, I want to know what you think. What do you like seeing most from your favorite authors (not just me in particular). Should we do pictures or posts about our personal life or should we keep it strictly professional and only post about updates on our writing, what books are coming out, and the newest discounts?

You can either drop a line, or vote on the poll on the sidebar!!! Thanks!!!

When God's Plans are Bigger than Yours

I have learned that I will never quit learning how much bigger God's plans are than my own. Unfortunately I feel as if it will be my 'constant companion' throughout the years. It is so easy to get caught up in what you want to do, your own personal interests, that you forget to consult the Ultimate Planner.

I often times pray, when a big decision needs to be made, for God to show me what to do. However, I sometimes forget that God has a plan for ALL of my life, not just parts of it. He not only cares about what I do tomorrow, but He also cares about what I do for the rest of the week. He cares about everything that involves me, and yet I treat Him as an outsider, forgetting to ask Him what His grand plans are.

I like the plans I make, sometimes. Yet I also get tired of trying to run my own life, sometimes. It seems to be a constant battle between flesh and Godly desires.
I am reminded rather often of how much I forget to include God in my planning. I was reminded yet again at church and Bible study this past Sunday.

But, right there is my problem. See, in my above sentence I said that I forget get to 'include' God, as if He is the one that needs to be included. Instead, I should be asking myself, How can I be included in HIS plans? How can I seek His counsel at every waking moment so that I know what it is HE wants of ME, instead of asking what I want from Him.

The other day I learned that lesson once again (which, maybe I should say I 'experienced' that lesson, because I obviously didn't learn it the first time if I had to be taught again!).
As some of you may know, I was really looking forward to possibly publishing my first young adult novel. It was the story I did for the month of November (NaNoWriMo) and I thought for sure, because of some different things which I won't list here, that I was going to publish it. That God wanted me too. Yet, somehow, deep inside, I knew that wasn't so. Yet I kept pushing onward, continually working on it and ignoring something I knew that I needed to be working on. I continued like this all through December, trying to deceive myself and others that I was truly getting this book published.

Thank the Lord for His goodness and Mercy, though. One night, as I was working on my book, I suddenly hit a wall. Literally. I felt as if I was bumping into an invisible bubble of sorts. I couldn't go anywhere with my book. My writing started sounding cheesy. The storyline was changing into something I didn't like. My fingers froze over the keyboard as the thought suddenly struck me full force. Stop. Just stop and listen. 

I tried to ignore it. I knew what was coming and I really didn't want to listen to this. Not right now. Yet it still urged me, the voice getting louder and stronger. I stopped. I couldn't resist any longer. It hurt too much, really. Whenever we fall out of God's will, I think it hurts. A lot. Because we know that what we might be doing is wrong. So, I did stop. I listened. I cried. I begged. I finally, with much reluctance, accepted.

I felt peace.

Sweet peace. There really is something to be said for it. It was such a stark contrast to what I had been feeling before. The turmoil was gone, only peace flooded my senses and flowed into my heart. It may sound somewhat melodramatic or something, but it is extremely true. God was clearly telling me that I wasn't supposed to publish my young adult novel. The prize of my writing. It wasn't to be done. I didn't like hearing it, but so be it.

I relinquished that book to God and basically said, "Your will be done,". I felt sad at first. Yet, even now, having been several days since that night, I have still felt such peace. I will continue on with my young reader books. I don't know how many I'll do. I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to do the next one yet. I'm still waiting. For what? I'm not really sure. Yet God has given me the peace to wait. Just wait.

It is probably one of the hardest things to do, but there ya have it. I would greatly covet your prayers that God would show me what I need to do and where I need to go.

This may seem like an odd post for a writing/author blog, but it's something very important to me, and I wanted to share because 1.) I didn't want to be deceiving all of you, and 2.) I wanted to ask for prayers.

So, there ya have it, folks. And update for y'all that I hope makes some semblance of sense. ;-)

Social Media

I have finally decided that I needed to get out in social media. Well, I should actually say that I have thought a lot about it and knew I needed to, but time just never seemed to work or else I kept forgetting. Not to mention that there was never a chance to sit down with my parents and discuss which sites were ok and whatnot.

So after talking it over and deciding, I have set up a page on FaceBook. Woohoo. ;-) Actually it is quite exciting, having already reached quite a few likes.

I'm also on Amazon as an Author, which means that you can check out and follow my 'author page', in a sense. And, as most of you know, I'm also on Google+. G+ is more of my interaction social site, whereas FB and Amazon are strictly business and not personal.

So, links to these sites:

FaceBook Page
Google+ Profile
Amazon Author Profile

Please feel free to 'like', '+1', or follow!